Thank you brother. I just sat and listened with bible. So grateful for your words.
It is Tuesday in the late afternoon. I was really struggling when i came here to meet you.
Back in focus. Ever in the lords care.
20 minutes ago, i wanted to collapse. No matter what, my work is stolen. I just lost several hours of work and assets not quantifiable by a dollar amount. Its the lightening fast thievery that is wicked tbrough and through.
Its not just my work that means alot in terms of livelihood and the consistent attacks to thwart. but every facet of living- its now a commodity. There is no love in lying and manipulation. It is constant resistance and subsequently filling of the Holy Spirit. For your lamp.
After my loss, my shock left me without access to emotion. Maybe im not to mourn such loss. God is sovereign. What he lets people get away with is only for mercy and reserved judgement.
We are in a time of separation. Not talking about it, but reaching out and alternately letting go, until we are situated.
Many of us are in the same stuck place with gutted lives, but we can help each other together.
I dont care if no one around me wants to live- i do.
I want to serve in Gods way. I want to work in Gods way. I want to love Gods way. Thats all.
You would think i wanted the impossible dream, the lucky leprochaun, the golden path, the glass slipper.
Just want to live in privacy. I want to sell my goods and get paid. I want to serve and love and own everything. Ill be sad if i want to be, as the owner of my identity, my creativity, my body, my relationships, my shelter, my transportation and food.
Now, im venting a bit. Im not sad because the love of the lord sustains me, but i refuse the control and narrative along with the narrorator on both sides.
My lamp will be lit- is lit. My oil is my oil. Ive made time, ive lived in great difficulty, my soul has suffered to be cleansed and refreshed from societal ( world) abuse.
I didnt know the devil was such a liar. I didnt know how a seemingly innocent person could get corrupted. Evil lurks in goodness. Greed feels like a partner, but detests your success. Envy destroys sooner than a drive home from the latest lust
To avoid it all, Jesus is the answer. To look at his character and face. To run the race for him in his strength.
So, my efforts are once again committed to the lord. Im suffering loss. Every day, but gain in Christ.
The frustration is mounting. Stay calm and fear not.
Back to the word and forward in faith.
Love,
Kellie
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